The leaves have fallen, the weather is colder, egg nog consumption is on the rise and idiots everywhere are paying $3,000 for the Playstation 3. That means 2 things ... Christmas is right around the corner and it's college football's bowl season! But early on this cold November Sunday morning, I am doing much more than just drinking hot cocoa, wearing my Pluto slippers and watching National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. I am sitting at my desk pondering one of life's most bewildering questions. "Where do they come up this mess?" I will attempt to figure the enigma that is college football. All the while, watching my favorite Christmas movie of all time! "What I say? Nipple?"
Yesterday I watched perhaps the greatest rivalry game this season. For someone who thrives off of chaos, as I do, the Michigan/Ohio State game was awesome! I come from a small town in Maryland that annually shuts down the second Saturday of November. As the Fort Hill Sentinels battle the Allegany Campers for the coveted "Kettle." This season, to my delight, Fort Hill steamrolled Allegany 35-14 (GO BIG RED!). This game is one of the largest high school games in the country, not being played in Texas. Every year, the entire city as well as alumni fill Greenway Avenue Stadium bringing the average attendance to 14,000 people. Seriously, you could rob every bank in town and no one would know until the next day! Now I understand that the amount of people attending this high school football game only equals the amount of fans in one end zone section of the Horse Shoe in Columbus, but it proves that to a lesser extent I can understand and appreciate the hysteria of a rivalry game. A close friend of mine lives in Columbus and he sent me an email a few days ago. Here is the email.
"Now, I realize that all of us are fans of some team (whatever sport it may be). But after living through the last week here in Ohio I have decided that none of us are actual fans of anything until we meet up with what fans out here are like. To put it plainly, none of you are real fans.
As of this week I learned how true fans act. I have multiple examples to support my theory.
1) As you all know elections took place just a short while ago. Apparently here in the O-H-I-O, the ladies who ran against each other for Attorney General are in dispute over who won. One of the ladies demanded a recount but the board of elections told them they would have to wait on the results of the recount until after this Saturday's game. They didn't want to cause a distraction during the big game.
2) Ted Strickland who just won his first term as the big OH's governor scheduled his inauguration for Jan. 8th. Those of you who say you're college football fans know that this is the date for the national championship game. Ted, knowing that OSU (yes I just made a prediction) will be in that game also set a second date for the inauguration so that once again, no one would have to miss the action.
3) I was at a funeral today. For the final song of the service, they played an OSU fight song from the OSU marching band CD. Then as we sat around tables at the reception afterward all that you could hear was talk about the game. It was so erie that I didn't really know if this was a funeral or a pre-game lunch.
4) Authorities have requested that Michigan fans not show their team colors until they are inside the stadium where they think they can protect them. Umm...yeah.
So this is my theory, none of us are real fans. Sure we can paint our bodies at ENC (Eastern Nazarene College) games or yell and scream at our teams on TV but when the state's government starts planning events based on the OSU schedule, I have to think that I am staring in an episode of the Twilight Zone. I could go on but honestly, I am not sure it is worth the time explaining what Ohio is like right now. Let's just say, it scares me...
Fearful someone might see this and claim I am a Michigan fan..."
(Great email Jarrod!)
Well, the game lived up to the hype. If you did not watch it or TiVo it, I am wicked sorry! It had everything. Hated rivals! #1 vs. #2! A January 8th trip to the National Championship game in Arizona on the line! Drunk students chanting things at the set of ESPN's College Game Day. Which brings me to this point. How can ESPN's Kirk Herbstreit, a former OSU quarterback, be so unbiased? Dude, if I were him I would rip Michigan every chance I could, screw professionalism! "This team sucks. They flat out suck. They are the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!" It would be 5 minutes later that I would be fired from ESPN and a day before I would be living in an abandoned railroad road car, eating pork & beans out of a can with my riding buddy "Smelly Pete." I am that guy who swore that the Dallas Cowboys sucked after winning 3 Super Bowls in the 90's. Yeah, I'm that guy!
Last night when the clock stopped ticking and the field was covered by a storm of Buckeyes students, that is when the real chaos began! From Gainesville ,Florida to South Bend, Indiana to Los Angeles, California and Ann Arbor, Michigan, the looting and destruction began! Porta Potties were overturned, retirement villages were burned down to the ground, playgrounds were spray painted, old people using walkers and other walking assistants were kicked to the ground, children were told that there is no Santa Claus, all while Priests were punching people ,confessing for their sins in confessional booths, in the face! All because we do not know who would play Ohio State for the title. OKAY, none of this really happened but whichever team is shunned out of the January 8, 2007 date this may become the norm! (It's the end of the world as we know it ...)
Here is the way that I see the whole BSC right now:
1. The Ohio State University
* undeniable #1! Troy Smith + Antonio Pittman + Ted Ginn Jr. = National Title
2. Michigan Wolverines
* Obvious #2. Only lose was to #1 ranked OSU, in Columbus by 3! Did I mention they spanked Notre Dame? The number of points the wolverines scored almost match Charlie Weis' pant size!
3. University of Southern California
* Many say they will leap frog Michigan with a win versus Notre Dame. I have one problem with that. THEY FREAKIN LOST TO OREGON STATE! Someone please start the "OVERRATED" chant!
4. Florida
* If Michigan does not get in and Florida defeats Arkansas in the SEC Championship, they should be playing OSU.
C'mon, it has to be worth something to be the champion of the toughest conference in college football!
5. Notre Dame University
* Realistically, there is a better shot of OJ Simpson maintaining his innocence of the death of Nicole Simpson and Ronald Goldman, than the Fighting Irish playing in Arizona. The way Michigan manhandled them earlier killed them!
Other notables aka NO CHANCE!
6. Arkansas - Loss to USC 50-14 in week 1. Even if they beat Florida in the SEC Championship ... they're done!
7. WVU- Someone please tell me how they are ahead of Louisville? Didn't the Cardinals already beat them?
8. Wisconsin- I didn't even realize they were in the top 10. Hmmm who knew (outside of Madison)?
9. Louisville- Despite beating WVU, the loss to Rutgers really hurt them. Vindication could come December 2 when Rutgers goes to Morgantown to play the Moutaineers. This will be a mess if WVU beats Rutgers! By the way, how did Rutgers fair against Cincinnati?
10. LSU- Uhhhhhh, I'm spent .... whatever. #3 in the SEC wont get it done!
Boise State- I don't care if you're undefeated, the second to last team in the SEC could beat the second best team in your conference! Go back to your blue turf!
Another sign that a OSU/Michigan rematch is on the horizon. The winning numbers in the Ohio Lottery pick 4 was 4-2-3-9.
Looks like I will be sleeping with my night light on tonight!
Well there you have it! I am still drinking cocoa and I am still in my slippers while I watch National Lampoons Christmas Vacation. Hey, I don't know if it is coincidental but as I finish this, we are at an appropriate part of the movie.
It's the scene where Cousin Eddy is dumping the septic tank of his RV in the sewer. Clark Griswold's "uppity" neighbor then leaves his house for a jog as he smells the sewage. Cousin Eddy then looks at him and says, "Merry Christmas, the shi*ter is full!"
As I look at the BCS situation, Cousin Eddy is exactly right!
Smile on people ... smile on!
Monday, November 20, 2006
Monday, November 06, 2006
The ugliest Redskins/Cowboys game EVER!
Week 9
The Washington Redskins defeated the Dallas Cowboys Sunday, in what may be the ugliest game ever! How many ways could either team try to lose this game? Sunday, wearing my Cooley jersey, I sat on the floor and played with Briley as I watched this mess! However, I will take the win! I called my cousin Dave right after the Novak field goal and I said, "Wow, they pulled that one out of their butt!" Dave's reply was, "Hey, I'll take it!" I believe many Redskins fans feel this way, myself included. It is kind of refreshing to be able to wake up on Monday to a Redskins victory. "It makes me feel kind of funny ... like when we used to climb the ropes in gym class." It was ugly .... but it is victory number 3!
Here are a few things I am taking from this game!
*The play calling still sucks! The pitch out to Portis after the fake for a 38 yard touchdown was nice. Other than that, the 700 page playbook was more like a 5 page pre-school book about shapes and colors. In the first quarter the 'Skins have the ball on the goal line. The repeatedly ran Portis and Portis repeatedly got hit, short of the end zone. Ok, I was mad here because last year, we would fake the hand off and find Sellers or Cooley, but not under the Saunders regime. But my true "Incredible Hulk" kind of rage toward the playing calling would come in the Second Half. The Redskins had the ball, 2nd and 8 from their own 30 and they were running Sellers! ARE YOU KIDDING ME! Where was #45 on those goal line tries? Seriously, it must not take much to be an Offensive Coordinator in the NFL. Or Joe just doesn't have the "grapefruits" to tell Saunders he is horrible. One more example of this ... Antwaan Randle El basically won the Super Bowl with his pass to Hines Ward last season. Why are we just now tapping into this?
* I am tired of seeing John Mellencamp use national tragedies to sell Chevy trucks! Seriously, my ears bleed every time I hear, "This is our country!" Honestly John 9/11 and hurricane Katrina does not make me think of buying a Chevy! Just when I thought it could not get any worse, Toby Keith is on there hocking Fords. For a guy who was born in raised in the city, not liking country music and thinking John (Cougar) Mellencamp is a dork, the commercials were Hell! During these commercials I actually encouraged Briley to cry! I cannot wait until next Sunday to hear more of these shameless acts to sell trucks to people by making them think it is a Patriotic act! However, I think a duet with Jackie Chan and William Hung (I pray you know who he is!) would make me buy a Toyota or 3! "She bangs .. She bangs .."
* T.O. SUCKS .... Don't believe me? ... what has he won? Aren't professionals graded upon winning? Honestly, T.O. could have a ring for every finger and toe and I will still say he sucks. Believe it or not Terrell Owens has been in the league for 11 years. Though, he usually doesn't act like a veteran. In his 11 seasons he has played for 3 teams. San Francisco, Philadelphia and Dallas. Statistically he is not the best receiver, Marvin Harrison is ... EASILY. And Harrison's success is not all due to Peyton Manning. You put Harrison with McNabb and I will show you a 5 year dynasty! Owens' departure from the first 2 teams have ended as messy as any celebrity divorce. Did anyone actually see Brittany staying with a loser like "K Fed?" How long will it be until T.O. implodes? Many experts were saying week 8 of this season. However I believe it will come next season. Remember in year 1, Andy Reid, Donovan McNabb and T.O. were holding hands, making gingerbread houses and singing "A Chipmunks Christmas" together.
A few weeks ago I went with my cousin Dave to see the Redskins play Jacksonville. That was an awesome game! I lost my voice 3 separate times that afternoon. Well as we were making our pilgrimage to the stadium about an hour before kick off we noticed a pack of drunks. But these were not ordinary sloppy drunks. These were sloppy drunks with a bull horn! I never knew that Beer + a bull horn + a Cowboys fan wearing an 81 jersey = comedy! You can only begin to imagine the verbal abuse this Cowboys fan went through, while walking through the Home of the Redskins. But this was not any regular weekend. This was the weekend after the whole T.O. suicide soap opera. (Didn't Owens' PR lady look like the bus driver from South Park?) As Dave and I are walking in, behind the Cowboys fan, the drunks saw him. It kind of reminded me of Bruce Willis in Die Hard 3, when "Simon" forced him to wear a racist sign in the middle of Harlem. It was then I heard one of the funniest things ever. In a loud voice coming through a bull horn a drunk finally made sense. He said, "Hey T.O., Sean Taylor came closer to killing you than you ever could!" Of course there were a few expletives in there, but this is a family friendly blog. The crowd erupted and even the Cowboy fan couldn't help but laugh. Which brings me to this point. If a die hard T.O. fans can laugh at the drama that is #81 .... The man must be a joke!
By the way T.O. thanks for "falling asleep" in the 3rd quarter instead of catching the ball that may have beat the Redskins!
You were our best defensive back Sunday!
* Heath Shuler finally won something .....A spot in the House. (What a country!) Heath Shuler won his election in North Carolina Tuesday night. He was running a Democrat, which leaves all Republicans in the house elated because they know Heath's track record. He sucks in Washington!!!!!
* My final thought is this. With the Redskins win over Dallas, they have placed their own fate in their hands. They are back in the NFC chase. If they beat Philadelphia this weekend they are tied with the Eagles and they will be on a 2 game winning streak. On Sunday in Philadelphia, they CANNOT let any receivers get behind the defensive backs. So far this season, the pass coverage has been horrible! This is the Achilles heal .... They need to defend the deep ball and actually make a big play. They are healthy and if they can defend the pass, Gregg Williams can release the dogs and blitz the heck out of any team they face.
With teams like Carolina and the surging Falcons coming into Fed Ex, they better be ready! However, if the Redskins are to make the playoffs, they cannot look past anyone at anytime. They must approach every game, one play at a time. They cannot give up the big play, they cannot make stupid "single A" high school mistakes and they must play with a chip on their shoulders. I don't think it is much fun being called the biggest disappointment in the NFL. Each game they must come out and punch someone in the mouth ... As long as they don't knee anyone in the crotch on Monday Night Football thank you very much Troy Brayton!
* One more thing .... Chris Cooley is 10 times better than Jeremy Shockey!
Smile on People ...... Smile on!
~J~
The Washington Redskins defeated the Dallas Cowboys Sunday, in what may be the ugliest game ever! How many ways could either team try to lose this game? Sunday, wearing my Cooley jersey, I sat on the floor and played with Briley as I watched this mess! However, I will take the win! I called my cousin Dave right after the Novak field goal and I said, "Wow, they pulled that one out of their butt!" Dave's reply was, "Hey, I'll take it!" I believe many Redskins fans feel this way, myself included. It is kind of refreshing to be able to wake up on Monday to a Redskins victory. "It makes me feel kind of funny ... like when we used to climb the ropes in gym class." It was ugly .... but it is victory number 3!
Here are a few things I am taking from this game!
*The play calling still sucks! The pitch out to Portis after the fake for a 38 yard touchdown was nice. Other than that, the 700 page playbook was more like a 5 page pre-school book about shapes and colors. In the first quarter the 'Skins have the ball on the goal line. The repeatedly ran Portis and Portis repeatedly got hit, short of the end zone. Ok, I was mad here because last year, we would fake the hand off and find Sellers or Cooley, but not under the Saunders regime. But my true "Incredible Hulk" kind of rage toward the playing calling would come in the Second Half. The Redskins had the ball, 2nd and 8 from their own 30 and they were running Sellers! ARE YOU KIDDING ME! Where was #45 on those goal line tries? Seriously, it must not take much to be an Offensive Coordinator in the NFL. Or Joe just doesn't have the "grapefruits" to tell Saunders he is horrible. One more example of this ... Antwaan Randle El basically won the Super Bowl with his pass to Hines Ward last season. Why are we just now tapping into this?
* I am tired of seeing John Mellencamp use national tragedies to sell Chevy trucks! Seriously, my ears bleed every time I hear, "This is our country!" Honestly John 9/11 and hurricane Katrina does not make me think of buying a Chevy! Just when I thought it could not get any worse, Toby Keith is on there hocking Fords. For a guy who was born in raised in the city, not liking country music and thinking John (Cougar) Mellencamp is a dork, the commercials were Hell! During these commercials I actually encouraged Briley to cry! I cannot wait until next Sunday to hear more of these shameless acts to sell trucks to people by making them think it is a Patriotic act! However, I think a duet with Jackie Chan and William Hung (I pray you know who he is!) would make me buy a Toyota or 3! "She bangs .. She bangs .."
* T.O. SUCKS .... Don't believe me? ... what has he won? Aren't professionals graded upon winning? Honestly, T.O. could have a ring for every finger and toe and I will still say he sucks. Believe it or not Terrell Owens has been in the league for 11 years. Though, he usually doesn't act like a veteran. In his 11 seasons he has played for 3 teams. San Francisco, Philadelphia and Dallas. Statistically he is not the best receiver, Marvin Harrison is ... EASILY. And Harrison's success is not all due to Peyton Manning. You put Harrison with McNabb and I will show you a 5 year dynasty! Owens' departure from the first 2 teams have ended as messy as any celebrity divorce. Did anyone actually see Brittany staying with a loser like "K Fed?" How long will it be until T.O. implodes? Many experts were saying week 8 of this season. However I believe it will come next season. Remember in year 1, Andy Reid, Donovan McNabb and T.O. were holding hands, making gingerbread houses and singing "A Chipmunks Christmas" together.
A few weeks ago I went with my cousin Dave to see the Redskins play Jacksonville. That was an awesome game! I lost my voice 3 separate times that afternoon. Well as we were making our pilgrimage to the stadium about an hour before kick off we noticed a pack of drunks. But these were not ordinary sloppy drunks. These were sloppy drunks with a bull horn! I never knew that Beer + a bull horn + a Cowboys fan wearing an 81 jersey = comedy! You can only begin to imagine the verbal abuse this Cowboys fan went through, while walking through the Home of the Redskins. But this was not any regular weekend. This was the weekend after the whole T.O. suicide soap opera. (Didn't Owens' PR lady look like the bus driver from South Park?) As Dave and I are walking in, behind the Cowboys fan, the drunks saw him. It kind of reminded me of Bruce Willis in Die Hard 3, when "Simon" forced him to wear a racist sign in the middle of Harlem. It was then I heard one of the funniest things ever. In a loud voice coming through a bull horn a drunk finally made sense. He said, "Hey T.O., Sean Taylor came closer to killing you than you ever could!" Of course there were a few expletives in there, but this is a family friendly blog. The crowd erupted and even the Cowboy fan couldn't help but laugh. Which brings me to this point. If a die hard T.O. fans can laugh at the drama that is #81 .... The man must be a joke!
By the way T.O. thanks for "falling asleep" in the 3rd quarter instead of catching the ball that may have beat the Redskins!
You were our best defensive back Sunday!
* Heath Shuler finally won something .....A spot in the House. (What a country!) Heath Shuler won his election in North Carolina Tuesday night. He was running a Democrat, which leaves all Republicans in the house elated because they know Heath's track record. He sucks in Washington!!!!!
* My final thought is this. With the Redskins win over Dallas, they have placed their own fate in their hands. They are back in the NFC chase. If they beat Philadelphia this weekend they are tied with the Eagles and they will be on a 2 game winning streak. On Sunday in Philadelphia, they CANNOT let any receivers get behind the defensive backs. So far this season, the pass coverage has been horrible! This is the Achilles heal .... They need to defend the deep ball and actually make a big play. They are healthy and if they can defend the pass, Gregg Williams can release the dogs and blitz the heck out of any team they face.
With teams like Carolina and the surging Falcons coming into Fed Ex, they better be ready! However, if the Redskins are to make the playoffs, they cannot look past anyone at anytime. They must approach every game, one play at a time. They cannot give up the big play, they cannot make stupid "single A" high school mistakes and they must play with a chip on their shoulders. I don't think it is much fun being called the biggest disappointment in the NFL. Each game they must come out and punch someone in the mouth ... As long as they don't knee anyone in the crotch on Monday Night Football thank you very much Troy Brayton!
* One more thing .... Chris Cooley is 10 times better than Jeremy Shockey!
Smile on People ...... Smile on!
~J~
Friday, November 03, 2006
Louisville? You are freaking kidding!
Last night I watched as the #5 ranked Louisville Cardinals systematically broke down the #3 West Virginia Mountaineers.
I watched as the Louisville fans marked this game as a "blackout." This meant that every fan supporting Louisville would wear black. To be honest with you, it did look really cool! But then out of no where, half of the stadium lighting just turned off.
You know what, it was actually kind of freaky. Reminded me of the WCW (World Championship Wrestling) in the mid 90's when all of the lights turned off and Sting appeared from the rafters for the first time dressed in black and white imitating "the Crow." It just seems a little bit too coincidental that last night .. the lights decided not to work .....
I am sure everyone living within 40 miles of Morgantown West Virginia is not thinking this was more than mere coincidence!
But honestly, the "darkness" in Louisville did not play a factor in this game. They could have played this game on the flippin' sun and WVU still would have lost. WVU is about 2 players and both were banged up and Slaton's left hand prevented him from holding onto the ball. Behind Brian Brohm's 354 yards passing, Louisville played a great game, on every side of the ball.
Obviously, this game has BCS implication. But I am still not sold on this whole idea! As everyone should know, November 18, #1 Ohio State will play #2 Michigan. Let's play this game out in our heads shall we. Lets say, Heisman winner Troy Smith leads Ohio State 90 yards in the final 1 minute to lead OSU to a 1 point t victory. This will leave Michigan at 9-1. Why wouldn't Michigan be good enough to play for the BCS Championship despite the loss? Or why wouldn't Florida be under consideration seeing that they also would only have 1 loss, while playing in arguably the toughest conference in football? If we are going to allow records to be our BCS thermometer should each team's temperature be taken by the quality of their opponents?
Let's break down the schedules of the teams still in the hunt.
Louisville :
Kentucky
@ Temple
Miami
@ Kansas State
@ Middle Tennessee State
Cincinnati
@ Syracuse
West Virginia
@ Rutgers
Southern Florida
@ Pittsburgh
UConn
Florida:
Southern Miss
Central Florida
@Tennesse
Kentucky
Alabama
LSU
@Auburn
Georgia
@Vanderbilt
South Carolina
West Carolina
@Florida State
Michigan:
Vanderbilt
Central Michigan
@Notre Dame
Wisconsin
@Minnesota
Michigan State
@Penn State
Iowa
Northwestern
Ball State
@Indiana
@Ohio State
So who should be playing for the National Title? Honestly I am not sure! I am going to let you all tell me who you think. Should it be any of these 3 teams or do you have a "darkhorse?" (No pun intended WVU fans)
All I know is that I am glad the following teams WILL NOT be playing for a title:
The "U" and Florida State
I have 2 thoughts about the National Championship:
1. There should be a playoff. However even with a playoff format, how will you determine seeds and homefields?
and
2. It would be hard to keep a 9-1 team, who won the SEC, out of a National Championship game!
I watched as the Louisville fans marked this game as a "blackout." This meant that every fan supporting Louisville would wear black. To be honest with you, it did look really cool! But then out of no where, half of the stadium lighting just turned off.
You know what, it was actually kind of freaky. Reminded me of the WCW (World Championship Wrestling) in the mid 90's when all of the lights turned off and Sting appeared from the rafters for the first time dressed in black and white imitating "the Crow." It just seems a little bit too coincidental that last night .. the lights decided not to work .....
I am sure everyone living within 40 miles of Morgantown West Virginia is not thinking this was more than mere coincidence!
But honestly, the "darkness" in Louisville did not play a factor in this game. They could have played this game on the flippin' sun and WVU still would have lost. WVU is about 2 players and both were banged up and Slaton's left hand prevented him from holding onto the ball. Behind Brian Brohm's 354 yards passing, Louisville played a great game, on every side of the ball.
Obviously, this game has BCS implication. But I am still not sold on this whole idea! As everyone should know, November 18, #1 Ohio State will play #2 Michigan. Let's play this game out in our heads shall we. Lets say, Heisman winner Troy Smith leads Ohio State 90 yards in the final 1 minute to lead OSU to a 1 point t victory. This will leave Michigan at 9-1. Why wouldn't Michigan be good enough to play for the BCS Championship despite the loss? Or why wouldn't Florida be under consideration seeing that they also would only have 1 loss, while playing in arguably the toughest conference in football? If we are going to allow records to be our BCS thermometer should each team's temperature be taken by the quality of their opponents?
Let's break down the schedules of the teams still in the hunt.
Louisville :
Kentucky
@ Temple
Miami
@ Kansas State
@ Middle Tennessee State
Cincinnati
@ Syracuse
West Virginia
@ Rutgers
Southern Florida
@ Pittsburgh
UConn
Florida:
Southern Miss
Central Florida
@Tennesse
Kentucky
Alabama
LSU
@Auburn
Georgia
@Vanderbilt
South Carolina
West Carolina
@Florida State
Michigan:
Vanderbilt
Central Michigan
@Notre Dame
Wisconsin
@Minnesota
Michigan State
@Penn State
Iowa
Northwestern
Ball State
@Indiana
@Ohio State
So who should be playing for the National Title? Honestly I am not sure! I am going to let you all tell me who you think. Should it be any of these 3 teams or do you have a "darkhorse?" (No pun intended WVU fans)
All I know is that I am glad the following teams WILL NOT be playing for a title:
The "U" and Florida State
I have 2 thoughts about the National Championship:
1. There should be a playoff. However even with a playoff format, how will you determine seeds and homefields?
and
2. It would be hard to keep a 9-1 team, who won the SEC, out of a National Championship game!
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Now what do I do?
This past weekend was magical! The birds were singing. Children were laughing. Old people were doing whatever it is old people do. And my blood pressure remained where it should. The Washington Redskins were on a bye week. I barely watched any football at all! Sure, I checked out scores and stats for fantasy football purposes, but that was the extent. I let Lindsay take a much needed day off and Briley and I hit the town!!(Pretty sad when getting gas, coffee and going to Big Lots equals a day out on the town!) We were making preparations for her 2 big parties celebrating her 1st year of existence! As I pulled back up to the house and walked inside, I did my routine of taking the 17 layers of clothing off that we use to keep her warm. I then thought, "Dude, what am I going to write about this week."
So my mind began to wander ... as usual! Michigan and Ohio State play in 2 weeks. WVU and Louisville play on Thursday Night. My alma mater the Fort Hill Sentinels will crush the Allegany Campers next weekend. Which is the largest High School football game on the East Coast. The University of Maryland Women Terrapins Basketball Team is ranked #1, being lead by my homegirl Kristi Tolliver. Finally, the NBA season began 2 nights ago. (Boy did the Heat suck or what?) After contemplating all of this I have decided to devote this blog to the National Basketball Association. Which is now playing with a "cow friendly" ball! Thank you PETA now you can fight for the small child making that new basketball in a sweatshop for .13 cents a day!
As we all know today's basketball seems to be lacking something. I remember the glory days of Magic vs Larry and that awesome Christmas Day match up of Michael and the Boys vs. Isiah and the Thugs! Now that was basketball! Don't get me wrong LeBron is a great player to watch, though I thought the whole King James thing was a bit much! D Wade is exciting. Jason Kidd is perhaps in the top 5 of Point Guards of all time. Steve Nash's hairstyles are talked about more than the fact that he knows how to manage a team. And players such as Gilbert Arenas are so underrated it is sickening (see last year's all star game for proof). The NBA right now just isn't what it used to be. I guess the perception of the players has changed. NBA players used to be tough. Remember when Pippen was clotheslined by John Starks and had that bump the size of "Mini Me" on his head? If you even thought of doing that to a player now, automatic 5 game suspension and you could not do any cameos in a Hip Hop video for one year! TV ratings are down and the Association has lost it's appeal.
But David Stern, I am here to save the day. I will give you the Top 5 things the NBA must do to bring the fans back!
#5- "Be a GM for a Night!"
Do you have what it takes to make the big moves? Can you screw you up one of the most proud franchises in sports history?
Can you pay 52 million dollars to 6 players who are not even on your roster? Do you have the management "know how" to sign 4 point guards who don't know how to pass? Can you overpay old veterans who graduated from High School when the first George Bush was in office? Can you sign a legendary, Hall of Fame caliber coach to a multi million dollar contract, only for to fire him or allow him to resign the very next year? If you answered yes to any or "heck" all of these questions, you can become the General Manager of the New York Knicks for a night.
#4- Replace the All Star Game with the NBA's best Ex Cons vs. their Parole Officers
This idea may take a while to really be embraced, but I believe it will work. It's simple. You take every NBA player who has had his "fair share" of run ins with the "Boys in Blue." And you match them up against their Parole Officers. Leading the NBA squad would be a number of current player as well as former NBA All Stars. (Enter Chicago Bulls PA announcer Ray Clay, as The Allen Parsons Project music blares) "And now the starting line ups for your NBA Ex Cons. At Forward the newest Bad Boy of the NBA, the only thing worse than his fight at the Palace in Auburn Hills is his rap career, Ron Artest. At the other forward, the NBA's most overrated player perhaps in League history, Steven Jackson. The man in the middle, who could start his own baseball team with the number of children he has, Ralph Sampson. At guard, once called the "Easy Rider" now he is known as the "I swear I have glaucoma" Isiah JR Rider. And the other guard, the only thing that could match his choking during the playoffs is his choking of PJ Carlisimo, Latrell Sprewell." I think this could really be the beginning of something great!
#3 - Instead of NBA players playing. Somehow have whatever their team name is playing.
Remember the weather has been changing and I am on a NyQuil binge right now! But think about this! Do you want entertainment? Try watching a pack of Timberwolves battle a pack of Bobcats. I would much rather watch this than the previously mentioned Bulls/Heat season opener! Or how about the Hornets versus the Raptors. Freaky, huh? However this would not always work ... I am not sure what a SuperSonic really is and I am not sure what a Net could do? Also, I am not sure how Jazz could strike fear into the hearts of anyone. However I do know one thing. Put your meanest team name on the floor: Cavalier, Warrior, Rocket you name it .... I will take a drunk red headed Irish man from Beantown over them all. Go Celtics!
#2 - "Kick a mascot in the crotch night"
I remember when I was young my Mom would always take me to baseball games in Pittsburgh. This was kind of like our Memorial Day ritual. I remember when I was about 16, my Mom surprised me with tickets to see the Pirates play the Dodgers. Dude, I was soooo excited! We got to Three Rivers Stadium(This was before stadiums were supposed to be pretty) wicked early, for I loved to watch batting practice. Once BP was over we made our way to our seats. Man, they were awesome seats. We were sitting in the first row directly behind the Dodgers dugout. I guess my Mom thought that my quick wit and barbs were much more useful in these seats because the players could actually hear me. You see in the past, we would sit in the outfield seats and I would say all of these funny things to players, the problem was they were roughly 3 miles away! We were lucky to get the seats, they were great. Well actually it wasn't luck. The Pirates sucked and most seats were available especially the seat the Manager sits in. Though the Pirates were bad and their payroll was about as much as the loose change I have in my recliner, I enjoyed the game. We were so close I could hear the coaches talk to the players. I could see the signals from coaches to players. And I could hear players cry about the strike zone. As a kid, I was a student of the game. I would always keep the best scorebook I could. This game was no different, that is until the bird had to ruin it. My premium seat turned into the stage of the idiotic!
I watched as Dodger slugger Mike Piazza walked to the plate. The game was tied at 2 in the top of the 7th Inning. At this time a shadow descended upon my Pirates scorecard and blocking my view of the game was a 8 foot Parrot. The Pittsburgh Parrot to be exact. He danced and danced and danced. But the more I tried to ignore this high school dropout in a glorified Big Bird suit, the more he tried to get my attention. And obviously since mascots cannot talk they rely on gestures and movements to convey their point. I am not sure why but this bird seemed to be doing pelvic thrusts in my general direction. I'll be honest, looking back at it, I kind of felt like a male page working for some old Congressmen. I felt dirty! Just then I hear a "crack." Mike Piazza just sent a 3-2 curve over the centerfield fence and I missed it because of this moron! It was at that very moment
I turned on the mascot.
That is why I am calling on the NBA to make this a monthly activity. Remember in '93? MJ and the Bulls vs. Charles and the Suns playing for the Championship.In Chicago, Barkley was introduced and made his way onto the court. Awaiting him was the Bulls mascot with his thumbs down. Charles playfully slapped the Bull in his "muppetesque" snout. How much funnier would it have been if Sir Charles would have kicked him in the crotch? Just thinking about it makes me laugh!
#1- "Bring your wives to the game"
This idea will be especially good in Utah. All fans are urged to bring their wife or in the case of the Mormons (or any other freaky cult like people) their wives. So you figure, the Jazz would make about 4 or 5 times what they normally do. I know that you are saying to yourselves that this is a pretty weak #1, but really it's not. This has the potential of making the most revenue. To me, this idea has Fox written all over it. Tonight after "When mimes attack, we at Fox will bring you our newest reality show. Wives Swap: Meet your new Moms."
Well there you have it. My ideas to turn the NBA around. If the NBA does not call me I will pitch these ideas to the CFL, the AFL, the XFL, the WNBA, the PBA, the NRA, the CBA, the NBADL, and any other organization who use abbreviations
(Except the BCS, they are screwed up enough as it is!)
Smile on people ... Smile On!
So my mind began to wander ... as usual! Michigan and Ohio State play in 2 weeks. WVU and Louisville play on Thursday Night. My alma mater the Fort Hill Sentinels will crush the Allegany Campers next weekend. Which is the largest High School football game on the East Coast. The University of Maryland Women Terrapins Basketball Team is ranked #1, being lead by my homegirl Kristi Tolliver. Finally, the NBA season began 2 nights ago. (Boy did the Heat suck or what?) After contemplating all of this I have decided to devote this blog to the National Basketball Association. Which is now playing with a "cow friendly" ball! Thank you PETA now you can fight for the small child making that new basketball in a sweatshop for .13 cents a day!
As we all know today's basketball seems to be lacking something. I remember the glory days of Magic vs Larry and that awesome Christmas Day match up of Michael and the Boys vs. Isiah and the Thugs! Now that was basketball! Don't get me wrong LeBron is a great player to watch, though I thought the whole King James thing was a bit much! D Wade is exciting. Jason Kidd is perhaps in the top 5 of Point Guards of all time. Steve Nash's hairstyles are talked about more than the fact that he knows how to manage a team. And players such as Gilbert Arenas are so underrated it is sickening (see last year's all star game for proof). The NBA right now just isn't what it used to be. I guess the perception of the players has changed. NBA players used to be tough. Remember when Pippen was clotheslined by John Starks and had that bump the size of "Mini Me" on his head? If you even thought of doing that to a player now, automatic 5 game suspension and you could not do any cameos in a Hip Hop video for one year! TV ratings are down and the Association has lost it's appeal.
But David Stern, I am here to save the day. I will give you the Top 5 things the NBA must do to bring the fans back!
#5- "Be a GM for a Night!"
Do you have what it takes to make the big moves? Can you screw you up one of the most proud franchises in sports history?
Can you pay 52 million dollars to 6 players who are not even on your roster? Do you have the management "know how" to sign 4 point guards who don't know how to pass? Can you overpay old veterans who graduated from High School when the first George Bush was in office? Can you sign a legendary, Hall of Fame caliber coach to a multi million dollar contract, only for to fire him or allow him to resign the very next year? If you answered yes to any or "heck" all of these questions, you can become the General Manager of the New York Knicks for a night.
#4- Replace the All Star Game with the NBA's best Ex Cons vs. their Parole Officers
This idea may take a while to really be embraced, but I believe it will work. It's simple. You take every NBA player who has had his "fair share" of run ins with the "Boys in Blue." And you match them up against their Parole Officers. Leading the NBA squad would be a number of current player as well as former NBA All Stars. (Enter Chicago Bulls PA announcer Ray Clay, as The Allen Parsons Project music blares) "And now the starting line ups for your NBA Ex Cons. At Forward the newest Bad Boy of the NBA, the only thing worse than his fight at the Palace in Auburn Hills is his rap career, Ron Artest. At the other forward, the NBA's most overrated player perhaps in League history, Steven Jackson. The man in the middle, who could start his own baseball team with the number of children he has, Ralph Sampson. At guard, once called the "Easy Rider" now he is known as the "I swear I have glaucoma" Isiah JR Rider. And the other guard, the only thing that could match his choking during the playoffs is his choking of PJ Carlisimo, Latrell Sprewell." I think this could really be the beginning of something great!
#3 - Instead of NBA players playing. Somehow have whatever their team name is playing.
Remember the weather has been changing and I am on a NyQuil binge right now! But think about this! Do you want entertainment? Try watching a pack of Timberwolves battle a pack of Bobcats. I would much rather watch this than the previously mentioned Bulls/Heat season opener! Or how about the Hornets versus the Raptors. Freaky, huh? However this would not always work ... I am not sure what a SuperSonic really is and I am not sure what a Net could do? Also, I am not sure how Jazz could strike fear into the hearts of anyone. However I do know one thing. Put your meanest team name on the floor: Cavalier, Warrior, Rocket you name it .... I will take a drunk red headed Irish man from Beantown over them all. Go Celtics!
#2 - "Kick a mascot in the crotch night"
I remember when I was young my Mom would always take me to baseball games in Pittsburgh. This was kind of like our Memorial Day ritual. I remember when I was about 16, my Mom surprised me with tickets to see the Pirates play the Dodgers. Dude, I was soooo excited! We got to Three Rivers Stadium(This was before stadiums were supposed to be pretty) wicked early, for I loved to watch batting practice. Once BP was over we made our way to our seats. Man, they were awesome seats. We were sitting in the first row directly behind the Dodgers dugout. I guess my Mom thought that my quick wit and barbs were much more useful in these seats because the players could actually hear me. You see in the past, we would sit in the outfield seats and I would say all of these funny things to players, the problem was they were roughly 3 miles away! We were lucky to get the seats, they were great. Well actually it wasn't luck. The Pirates sucked and most seats were available especially the seat the Manager sits in. Though the Pirates were bad and their payroll was about as much as the loose change I have in my recliner, I enjoyed the game. We were so close I could hear the coaches talk to the players. I could see the signals from coaches to players. And I could hear players cry about the strike zone. As a kid, I was a student of the game. I would always keep the best scorebook I could. This game was no different, that is until the bird had to ruin it. My premium seat turned into the stage of the idiotic!
I watched as Dodger slugger Mike Piazza walked to the plate. The game was tied at 2 in the top of the 7th Inning. At this time a shadow descended upon my Pirates scorecard and blocking my view of the game was a 8 foot Parrot. The Pittsburgh Parrot to be exact. He danced and danced and danced. But the more I tried to ignore this high school dropout in a glorified Big Bird suit, the more he tried to get my attention. And obviously since mascots cannot talk they rely on gestures and movements to convey their point. I am not sure why but this bird seemed to be doing pelvic thrusts in my general direction. I'll be honest, looking back at it, I kind of felt like a male page working for some old Congressmen. I felt dirty! Just then I hear a "crack." Mike Piazza just sent a 3-2 curve over the centerfield fence and I missed it because of this moron! It was at that very moment
I turned on the mascot.
That is why I am calling on the NBA to make this a monthly activity. Remember in '93? MJ and the Bulls vs. Charles and the Suns playing for the Championship.In Chicago, Barkley was introduced and made his way onto the court. Awaiting him was the Bulls mascot with his thumbs down. Charles playfully slapped the Bull in his "muppetesque" snout. How much funnier would it have been if Sir Charles would have kicked him in the crotch? Just thinking about it makes me laugh!
#1- "Bring your wives to the game"
This idea will be especially good in Utah. All fans are urged to bring their wife or in the case of the Mormons (or any other freaky cult like people) their wives. So you figure, the Jazz would make about 4 or 5 times what they normally do. I know that you are saying to yourselves that this is a pretty weak #1, but really it's not. This has the potential of making the most revenue. To me, this idea has Fox written all over it. Tonight after "When mimes attack, we at Fox will bring you our newest reality show. Wives Swap: Meet your new Moms."
Well there you have it. My ideas to turn the NBA around. If the NBA does not call me I will pitch these ideas to the CFL, the AFL, the XFL, the WNBA, the PBA, the NRA, the CBA, the NBADL, and any other organization who use abbreviations
(Except the BCS, they are screwed up enough as it is!)
Smile on people ... Smile On!
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