A wintry bliss ....

Here we are 24 days until Opening Day 2007. I cannot wait. It just so happens that the same week in which the baseball season begins, I am on a "mini-vacation."
For an entire week I am going to do nothing but eat chicken wings, drink iced tea and chew sunflower seeds. And how do I cap off a week of baseball bliss? By going to Opening Day in, what I am going to predict as the sleeper team of the year, the Pittsburgh Pirates. However, I am growing tired of exhibition games. I am tired of SportsCenter breaking news of Dice K throwing 17 pitches, 11 of which were strikes.

So what do I do? What do I write about? The NBA is getting worse and worse by the second. NCAA brackets don't come out until Monday morning. And I am soooooo mad at the American public for not giving Sanjaya Malakar the boot on American Idol. Seriously people, he is the first artist to be a hybrid of Michael Jackson and Prince.

Since there really isn't much for me to write about, I have decided to have some fun here today. I have been a baseball player for most of my life. I have always just loved the game of baseball. The strategy, the drama, the roids I love it all. However one thing that I love about baseball is the way regular people perceive baseball players to be. Baseball players are thought of as a different kind of athlete. I once had this shirt that said, "Be nice to animals ... Hug a baseball player." We are peculiar people. We don't like to shave. We eat things after they hit the floor. (After the 5 second rule) We even have strange superstitions. There was a time that I would lick the "sweet spot" of my bat while I was in the "on deck" circle. If you know anyone who is truly a baseball player, you will know exactly what I am talking about. Like you know that guy who is readjusting his man area at random times? He was probably a baseball player giving into habit, thinking he is still wearing a cup! Not a pervert obsessed with his manly region.

This blog is a celebration of the misunderstood. Baseball players who went off of the deep end. This blog is a celebration of some of the craziest moments in baseball history. And I have created for your reading enjoyment, my All Star team of those players who went off the deep end. Here are the 5th Floor Fanatics!

Leading off, playing Second base, Roberto Alomar:


Many will say that Robbie is a sure fire, first ballot Hall of Famer. I would sort of have to agree. However Robbie made his way into the Manson Family, I mean my All Star team because of 1996 tirade where he was spitting mad! After being called out on strikes Alomar got into a verbal shouting match with Umpire John Hirschbeck. After Oriole's Manager, Davey Johnson tried to separate the two, Alomar then spit in the face of Hirschbeck. After the game Alomar took things to an entirely other level when he said that Hirshbeck had become bitter after the death of his 8 year old son. If I were Hirschbeck, I would have tracked down Alomar and showed him exactly how bitter I was! MLB would then suspend Alomar for 5 games at the beginning of the 1997 season. It's nice to see that MLB would uphold the integrity and respect for their Umpires (That's sarcasm if you could not tell!)

In the 2 hole, we have rookie phenom Delmon Young:


Few rookies have come in to the League with as much upside as D'mitri's little brother. Imagine this, you are young. Barely, if not even old enough to enter a bar, you are rich, you are seen as the next big thing in baseball. Scouts everywhere see you as a possible League MVP, with potential 40-40 stats. So obviously, you would think you are pretty darn good. Especially in the Minors. You would never strike out in the Bush League! And on your worst day, striking out looking is not even fathomable. So what is your reaction when you are called out looking by some pot bellied, hack of an ump in the minors. You chuck a bat at him as you walk back to the dugout, of course! What other response would you expect from tomorrow's most promising player?

Batting third and playing right field, Milton Bradley:


Personally, I like Milton. He is fiery, very competitive and it is always fun to see what he will do next. He is basically MLB's version of Dennis Rodman. Minus the tats, hairstyles, wedding dresses, piercings and all the wonderful attributes the Worm posses. When Milton comes to your town, no one is safe. I don't care who or where you are. You could be the bat boy, the PA announcer, the leader of a local Boy Scouts troop, if you set Milton off he will come for you!But is Milton Bradley a tortured soul? Why is he so crazy? I think I have found the answer.
It is his name. Milton shares his name with the maker of games such as Monopoly and other family friendly fun times. Milton thinks that he has to prove he is tough by acting psycho. Seriously the name Milton doesn't put fear in your heart.There's no street cred. there! His name reminds me of that Uncle you have that always wears cardigans and sends you post cards as he travels the country in his RV. Think of the movie, "The Godfather" Let's change Marlon Brando's character from Don Vito Corleone to Milton Bradley Corleone. Would you be scared of him or would you want to snuggle next to him as he reads you,"Twas the Night Before Christmas?"

Batting Clean Up may be the craziest dude in MLB history, Albert Belle:


There was a time that Albert was dominant. During the pre Manny days in Cleveland, Albert was the man. However when Manny showed up, Albert wanted too much money,Albert opted to sign elsewhere. Albert would then eventually land in Baltimore. Basically he was a bust in Baltimore. However, he would make my All Star team during his tenure with the O's. While living outside of Baltimore, in a very nice subdivision, a few young fans noticed who their "famous" neighbor truly was. One day they approached Albert and asked him for an autograph. Albert then said no and snubbed the kids as if they were the illusions in the mind of John Nash. So of course, the kids had to take action! These kids did what every young baseball fan, whose favorite player refused to acknowledge them, would love to do. They attempted to get even. On Halloween night these same kids nailed Belle's house with eggs. However the kids didn't expect "Joey" to run after them and chase them down IN HIS SUV. He even hit a kid as he slammed on his breaks.Belle claims anyone would have done this, however he was targeted because he was an athlete. I can see his point on this, besides he was always targeted. You know like when he ran over Fernando Vina because he was playing second base, beat up his girlfriend, corked his bat, went into rehab for a drinking problem, smashed a minor league bathroom with a bat, cussed out reporter Hannah Storm for trying to do her job and then refused to apologize, threw a ball at a photographer for taking a picture, breaking a thermostat in the White Sox locker room because a teammate tried to turn up the temperature, flipped off the fans in Cleveland and refused to sign autographs at a "Kids' Day" autograph session in Chicago. But of course, all of this is a set up. Truth be told Albert teaches Sunday School to blind children as he signs autographs inscribing, "Every homer is for you" on every ball for paralyzed children. Now who is full of crap?

Batting 5th is Hall of Famer, George Brett:


I love George Brett. He was an awesome ball player. And overall a great guy. But for one day in 1983, George went postal! Brett's Kansas City Royals were in Yankee Stadium facing Yankee reliever Goose Gossage and the New York Yankee's. With U.L. Washington of first base Brett hit a shot that reached the upper deck that, for the moment, gave the Royals a 5-4 lead. Seconds after George crosses the plate, Yankee manager Billy Martin approaches Umpire Tim McClelland, he and the other umpires would agree that there was too much pine tar on Brett's bat, MLB rule 1.10b states, "a bat may not be covered by such a substance more than 18 inches from the tip of the handle." Therefore, Brett was called out and a 4-3 Yankee victory was secured. Brett looked like he was going to give someone the Stone Cold Stunner. To this day, this may be my favorite MLB highlight. Later AL President Lee MacPhail would reverse the decision. Stating that games are won on the field and not by technicalities. That a way ... screw the Yankees!

Batting 6th, my favorite crazy baseball moment and my catcher, Jason Varitek:


I remember this day as if it were yesterday. I remember Bronson Arroyo throwing at "A Fraud." I remember Rodriguez being a "tough guy" mouthing at Bronson. I then remember watching Varitek step in front of Alex protecting his pitcher. Then Alex starting talking trash to Varitek. The Fox coverage was fantastic of this situation. Just when you thought cooler heads would prevail and Rodriguez would walk to first he did it. He dropped the bomb;twice. He dropped the F Bomb right in Varitek's face. Tek would then do something that sparked the Red Sox season. He popped Rodriguez in the face, inciting a Red Sox/Yankee riot. A fight that saw Gabe Kapler power bomb Tanyan Sturtze. After this happened, I told everyone that the Red Sox would win the World Series and I was right. Even though this is my favorite Red Sox/Yankees moment on this list, it is not the last!

Batting 7th, Robin Ventura:


Now perhaps this pick is a stretch. Perhaps I just placed Ventura here because I couldn't think of any other third basemen. Or maybe I just added him to my team because he got beat up by a 46 year old man. Whatever the case may be Robin Ventura will play the "hot corner" for my team. In an August 1993, the then Chicago White Sox third basemen became "posterized." Not because of a spectacular fielding play or huge homerun, but because he is and will always be the man that Nolan Ryan beat up. This is a distinction that followed Robin for his entire career as well as after his career. Robin was a good player as well as a good man. I guess being plunked with a 96 mph fastball will make a man do irrational things and then get beaten up by a guy 20 years older than him.

Batting 8th and back at Shortstop, Alex Rodriguez:


Until recently, shortstops were little guys who really stayed away from any conflict. Shortstops such as Jack Wilson and David Eckstein are more of the prototypical shortstops of old. But starting with Cal Ripken shortstops were bigger and sometimes more intimidating. Or so they like to think. As I mentioned earlier Alex Rodriguez and Jason Varitek started a riot in '04 because he didn't think anyone would dare hit A Rod. But he is on this list because of the decline of his mental status since leaving his position so Derek Jeter could remain the Yankees shortstop. A Rod has been going to shrinks and worrying about everything other than baseball. This man gave up HIS position, that he was the best in baseball at, to accommodate Jeter. (Are you seriously surprised that Rodriguez doesn't like Jeter?)
Yet, he is booed and sometimes hated in the Bronx despite giving up all he worked for, for Jeter. A Rod can opt out of New York and his contract at the end of this season. He will and don't be surprised if Theo tries to lure A Rod to Fenway with the promise of occupying shortstop.

Batting 9th and taking his place on the hill, Pedro Martinez:


I love "Pede" and I wish he were still in Boston. The Red Sox Nation loved everything about this 5"11 165 lb man. The antics with Manny in the dugout, the number of batters he hit (especially Jeter), the time he admitted that the, "Yankees are my Daddy!" Which would later turn into everyone telling New York that Ortiz was their Papi! However one incident secured Pedro's place in the Boston Sports Hall of Fame as well as the Starting Pitcher on my "dream team." During the 2003 ALCS, Pedro was front and center in one of the wildest playoff games in Major League History. Let's clear one thing up. Pedro Martinez and Karim Garcia do not like each other!!! So when Pedro threw at Garcia, all Hell was about to break loose. Garcia would take first base because apparently Pedro hit Garcia in the back. I don't remember! New York then scored on a bases-loaded double play by Alfonso Soriano and the Yankees increased their lead to 4-2. On the play, Garcia slid hard into second baseman Todd Walker, resulting in words between the two, a shoving match and causing a stir in both dugouts. But this isn't the fun part just yet. During the bottom half of the inning, vocal pitcher Roger Clemens threw a fast ball high and tight to Manny Ramirez. Ramirez would then raise his bat and scream at Clemens. At this time, both benches would clear. As Pedro walked onto the field, "rollie-pollie" Don Zimmer made a bee line straight for Pedro. However just as the mighty conquestador, "Pede" side swiped the charging Zimmer. He [Zimmer] then did a nose dive into the turf at Fenway. The scene at Fenway was a train wreck or like a gruesome car wreck. You know it's really bad but you just can't take your eyes off of it. In many ways it looked like a reality TV show on VH1.(Can we compare Don Zimmer to Ron Jeremy?) The atmosphere was so hostile, they stopped serving beer at Fenway for the rest of the game. But the melee was not over yet. Later in the game a grounds crew worker got into a fight with Karim Garcia and Yankee reliever Jeff Nelson in the Yankee bullpen. What a game ... what a memory! Thank You Pedro!

For every Starting Pitcher you need good relievers and no relievers get any crazier than my closer, John Rocker:

There are a lot of things you could say about John Rocker. You could say he was a very competitve Closer. Attributed to the success of the Atlanta Pitching Staff.
He brought a lot of energy. He was a fan favorite. He is a racist. He doesn't like immigrants. He doesn't like unwed mothers. He doesn't like homosexuals. He hates New York. And he is why being a "Red-Neck" is a negitive connotation. Seriously, when Rocker went off no one was safe from being ridiculed. The only people who were spared were white, hunting, beer drinking "Good Ole'Boys." So West Virginia and Kentucky, you're cool! After John's interview about riding New York's #7 train. His career was basically over. John would then struggle with the Indians and he would bounce around in the Minors. However, Rocker is a fashion mogul. Rocker's line of clothing is highlighted by a plain black and white t shirt that says, "SPEAK ENGLISH." Nowadays Rocker has been getting his hands wet in the Public Relations business. The last I have heard, he was Tim Hardaway's PR guy, gee I hope it all works out!

Manager, Joe Mikulik


You don't know the name? But I will bet on the fact that you know who he is! Asheville Tourists manager Joe Mikulik went crazy after being ejected during a Class-A South Atlantic League game against the Lexington Legends. In the fifth inning, Asheville pitcher Brandon Durden attempted a pickoff throw. Koby Clemens of Lexington was called safe, and Mikulik ran out to first base umpire Andy Russell to argue. After Mikulik was ejected, he ran over and slid (Pete Rose style) into 2nd base before ripping out the bag and tossing it into the outfield. When Mikulik reached the dugout he tossed several bats onto the field before covering home plate with dirt and pouring water onto it. He then continued to argue with home plate umpire Stephen Barga, actually showing him where his strike zone should be. Mikulik finally would leave the field, but not before becomming the most famous Minor League Manager EVER

Wow. There you have it! You know I may not win any Championships with this team, but one thing is for sure. I will sell tickets!

Smile on people. Smile On!