"Hail to the Redskins Hail Victory.
Braves on the warpath, playing for draft pick #3!"
I remember driving to the Boy & Girls Club over the summer. I was listening to ESPN radio.
Colin Cowherd was talking about football and how pro teams were shaping up. He got to the Washington Redskins.
It really caught my attention. My ears perked up. Kind of like the Minnesota Vikings when you say the words, "sex, party, and boat." (Enter the Love Boat theme) Colin was talking about how dangerous this team was. That talented defense, the explosive offense and the highest paid coaching staff would equal success. I was pumped! Man, you could see the testosterone leaving my car like a trail of smoke. I screamed, "that's what's up!"
Wow, a lot has changed since my moment of Redskins euphoria. Now I find myself calling them every name in the book!
A season full of optimism has gone down in flames. Very reminiscent to N*SYNC's solo careers! A season where Mark Brunell has stated that anything less than the Super Bowl would be a disappointment. What level of disappointment are we at now Mark?
I have complied a list. Ladies and Gentlemen here are the top 10 things to consider about your Washington Redskins:
#10
Why is TJ Duckett still on this team?
Duckett was brought in when Portis was hurt. And even then, he did not get to play much. The trade deadline has since passed. The Redskins could have made a trade to get a decent defensive back! Because we all know that some of the members in this secondary could not cover a little, old lady on a motorized cart! Boy, I can't wait until Steve Smith comes to town! If I were Duckett, I would be the most disgruntled player in the world.
#9
Will someone make a tackle?
This problem actually began last year against San Diego. I love Sean Taylor. I believe he is the catalyst of this Defense. He makes plays and acts as if he has done it before. I cannot stand it when a player , who makes a play that some kid in Kentucky makes every Friday night in front of 700 people, dances around like a Kiebler Elf! If you remember last years OT loss to the Chargers, LT broke several arm tackles to score the winning touchdown. I believe that touchdown ruined our Super Bowl chances. Win that game and home field would have been at Fed Ex Field! The Washington Redskins have some of the hardest hitters in the NFL. But they are sub par at making open field tackles. Anyone can lay a dude out when you blind side him. But can you crush him when he mans up against you? So far the Redskins can't!
#8
Redskins fans ..Stop blaming Brunell!
Mark Brunell is 36 years old. If he were 26 and had this team I would already be booking my flight to Miami or wherever the Super Bowl is this year, but he's not. Whether we want to believe it or not Brunell gives us the best chance to win right now. Todd Collins has been a career benchwarmer and Jason Campbell has not grasped the 700 page play book that Al Saunders uses. A few weeks back as I sat with my cousin Dave at Fed Ex Field (vs. Jacksonville), people were really getting on my nerves. With every incomplete pass people would "boo" Brunell and say, "Get him out of there." Brunell would scramble then throw it out of bounce, NOT TAKING A SACK. "Boo!" Brunell would check down to a back instead of throwing into double coverage to Moss."Boo!" Brunell would give his weeks salary to a 8 year old boy with cancer, whose dog was just hit by a Mack truck while his Mom was telling him there is no Santa Claus. "Boo!" Nothing is good enough for the idiots! And I swear to receive Redskins season tickets, you should have to pass a football intelligence test. We had these guys sitting behind us who I think (KNOW) came from a Star Trek or Dungeons and Dragons convention or something. They had no clue what they were talking about. They were heckling Brunell and then the one kid said to the other."Brunell go back to that other team you played for!" Then they started discussing what team it was. And they couldn't figure it out! I wanted to dump by $25 soda on them and say, "We're freaking playing his old team Spock!" Ironically, it was these same fans who were cheering and going crazy when Brunell threw 3 pretty touchdowns to Santana to win the game. Ok, I need some aspirin!
#7
Carlos Rogers?
This past weekend Carlos Rogers sat the game out. It wasn't against the Texans or a team with a poor to decent, at best, offense. This was the Indianapolis Colts. The offensive juggernaut! And Carlos is inactive with a broken thumb. Normally I wouldn't care, besides what has Carlos done with 2 good thumbs? I was mad because Springs is still recovering from all of his injuries and newly acquired Troy Vincent is still getting his bags unpacked. This left Kenny Wright and Mike Rumph in coverage. Oh Sweet Jesus! Our defense will be nothing until we can cover someone and allow our linebackers to blitz!
Look at the Bears, their DB's aren't that good, they just blitz the Heck out of you, forcing bad throws!
#6
Everyone knows about the freaking screen pass!
In his 700 page playbook, how many pages are devoted to the screen pass? Pssst Al .... the story is out, we know how much the Redskins love to screen. Here's an idea! Now I'm not an offensive guru like you. But, uh, you may want to throw some new ideas into the offensive scheme. How about we set up a screen pass to Moss on the left side. We pump fake the screen and them throw a deep pass to Brandon Lloyd, who was lined up on the right side, running a fly route. Hey just a thought, but I'm not a smart guy like you!
#5
Let Mike Sellers free!
During the Indianapolis game, a Colt DB took a cheap shot at Santana Moss. Santana then head butted him and the Colts player flopped. He looked more like an NBA player taking a charge than a football player. I believe somehow Joe Gibbs needs to let Mike Sellers be the enforcer out there. Just like Arn Anderson was for the 4 Horsemen. He should be the Redskins contract killer. Cheap shot one of our players and sometime within these 60 minutes of football Mike Sellers will steam roll you! After that Cooley will put you in the figure four leg lock! Woooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
#4
Team Unity!
I remember my sophomore year. The entire football team shaved their heads. Being on JV, I was scared to shave my head because I think I have a mis-shaped head. So I had a mo hawk (kind of). Whatever it was I looked like reject from a biker gang! The Redskins must do something to bring them together. As dorky as this sounds, this will help them win ball games.
Look at colleges they do everything together. Dress a like, same pre game routines, stomp on the other team and swing helmets together at them. That's how we do at the "U." It's very heart warming! I mean look at the Red Sox ... Cowboy Up and they all shaved their heads. You must have guys who are willing to be the "rah-rah" guy. Kevin Millar was it for the Red Sox, when he left so did the red Sox chances in my opinion! Clinton Portis, you are the "rah-rah" guy! Every Washington Redskins player should have a mo hawk! And come up with alter egos every Thursday during interviews. Al Saunders, you alter ego is a good offensive coordinator.
#3
Special teams!
This has been the bright spot of the Washington Redskins season. Between Rock and Randle El returning kicks, we know that every punt and kick off could be ran back for 6! However against the Colts. Special Teams stood for "Special" Teams as in small bus! The only player riding this bus was kicker Derrick Frost. After Randle El's touchdown and excessive celebration, which was never shown. The Redskins were already backed up deep on the kick off. Then a special teams disaster happens. Frost came in to punt the kick off. (OK?) And then as he punts, the ref blows the play dead. Frost erupts, apparently he was motivated by Denny Green last Monday Night.T he second he ripped of his helmet Sellers should have given him the Stone Cold Stunner. I was speechless and anyone who knows me, knows that is wicked rare! As I am watching this, holding my daughter Briley, I had to somehow control every thought and every emotion in my body. The only thing I could mutter is, "You idiot!" Though in my head, I was saying a little bit worse than that! The punter of all people ... you have got to be freakin kidding me! Ever see a team kick off from their own 5?
#2
Chris Cooley IS the heart and soul of this team!
I love me some Cooley! He is tough, gritty and good! Every Redskin game I go to you will see me in Section 114, wearing my white Cooley jersey. And in unison with the 90,000 others saying, "Cooooooooooooool" when he make s a catch. Even in last week's loss to Indianapolis Chris played 4 quarters. Even when some guys "mailed it in," Cooley continued to compete. With hard nosed players like him along with playmakers, I am reminded of the good ole days with Donnie Warren, Art Monk and Gary Clark! "COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL !!!"
#1
Believe it or not, this season is not finished yet!
Yes, the Redskins are currently 2-5 and sitting in the basement of the NFC east. But, the Cowboys are done. They have no offensive line and a young quarterback who is supposed to be able to stand up to TO when he rants like a little girl. The Eagles are not as good as they have played. Plus Brian Westbrook is all banged up. The Giants have a defense almost as underachieving as the Redskins. Also, the Redskins have 4 NFC East division games left. 3 of which are at home. If they win these games as well as win 3 of their 5 remaining non divisional games. This team can sneak in! And as every week passes, the Redskins become more healthy! My prediction the Redskins will finish the season 10-6. However this is only if they COWBOY UP and act like a team that wants to start winning and stop being a punchline!
Is my optimism a reason to believe in the 2006 Redskins or a reason to begin drinking ...Heavily?
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Friday, October 20, 2006
What's wrong with ARod?
Another baseball season is wrapping up, congrats to the Tigers and the Cardinals! Yadier Molina ... he has 2 more post season homeruns than I do, who would have guessed? However with the Series only 48 hours away, there is one man who is bitter and cold. That man, Darth Vadar himself; George Steinbrenner. Every year since 2000, "the Boss" dominates the coveted back page in the New York newspapers. Every year he creates a buzz! Who will the Yankees buy next? Who will they release? Who will he blame this time for buying overpaid, egocentric pretty boys who would care more about the back of their Yankee jersey if their names were on it. Instead of caring about the pinstripes!
Well folks, this year is following the script perfectly. It kind of reminds me of those old "slasher" movies. You know the one where the pretty 20 something year old girl is scared by some pyscho killer in her house, so she runs to the most obvious place .. the woods. Or it is as predictable as the guy who has been abducted and anal probed 12 times by aliens, who loves him some scotch, his double wide, a pack of Salems and NASCAR. With aging stars and crowd favorites such as Bernie Williams and Gary Sheffield this could be the off season tht makes or breaks the Yanks for the future.
Lets face it, the 2006 edition of the New York Yankees were a mess. Granted they did win the American League East.
(But)The Blue Jays were overrated, the Orioles are the worse franchise in baseball, the Devil Rays have been that, "wait 'til next season" team for 4 years and the BoSox were hurt every conceivable way. The only major injury the Red Sox did not endure this season was Terry Francona stepping in a bear trap! If it weren't for an irregular heartbeat (Ortiz), an inflamed knee(Manny), lymphoma ( Jon Lester), a fatigued arm(Pappelbon), missing the captain and anchor of your team during the stretch (Varitek), a strained bicep (Nixon) and perhaps the largest batch of misfortunes in MLB history, the Tigers would have had to go through Fenway!
However, the Yankees had their share of injury problems as well. Hadeki Matsui and Gary Sheffield were hurt for a large part of the season, Robinson Cano (who I drafted in the 18th round of my fantasy draft last season!) was MIA a lot as well. But unlike the Yankees of recent memory, this Yankee squad had nothing on the "bump." Let's look at the staff. Randy Johnson had spurts where he looked as dominant as in the past but never really came on. This week it has become public knowledge that he will be having back surgery, but will be ready for spring training. However, he is penciled in as New York's #4 or 5 guy next spring. Carl Pavano .... does he still play baseball? I am so glad he did not sign with the Sox! Jaret Wright, a hard
thrower (That's all I got). Mike Mussina, who looked good this season and is usually dependable. Then you have the rock of this staff. At the beginning of this seaon it was obvious that Chien Ming Wang was their ace besides he is being paid league minimum.(Pssssst .. that's sarcasm) But I think thats like 30 million Yen, I'm not sure of the exchange rate. Regardless there is no way he should have had the season he did. Last season he went 8-5 and had a solid rookie campaign, no one saw this coming. Until this season, the only thing I knew about Chien Ming Wang is that from a distance, he reminds me of Brendan Fraiser from the movie, "The Scout." I am still astounded by this. The ace of the "Pinstripes," the team that everyone affiliated with hip hop music loves, the team that Red Sox fans detest, the team that rapes and steals from small market teams by taking one of their best players to only sit them on the bench (Craig Wilson). Though Chacon for Wilson easily favors the Pirates! This team's pitching staff was anchored by a guy who know less English than Sammy Sosa at a Congressional Sub Comittee steroid investigation. I am still baffled! Regardless, Wang was solid. Wow, I laughed as I typed this. Time to grow up!
This season was a strugle for the entire Yankee organization and their fans, but it was a nightmare for one person in particular, Alex Rodriguez. No matter what he did, it was not good enough. Instead of his play on the field that was highlighted, news stories such as his need for a "shrink" and his fatigue due to sun bathing in Central Park are what we remember from A Rod's season. Now this next statement may shock you. Especially coming from a member of the Red Sox Nation, but Rodriguez had a good season. A Rod is among the top 5 third basemen in baseball statistically. Not too shaby coming from a "shortstop" playing third base on the largest stage, under the largest microscope in sports! He did lead all thirdbasemen in RBI, though his batting average dropped and and he did lose 13 homeruns from last season. But because of his shortcomings in October, A Rod is now an outcast in New York. For the New York media and fan base, if #13 did anything less than walk on water, he was a bum. What should A Rod do? Do you live another season being scrutinized for everything? Do you continue being Derek Jeter's bastard, red headed stepbrother? Does he leave New York for a small market team with only a one newspaper and a small arsenal of beat writers under an assumed name given by the Witness Protection Agency. "Now batting for your Milwaukee Brewers, Joe Winchestertonfieldville."
I have the solution. I know what Alex Rodriguez must do to revitalize his career! It is so simple anyone could have thought of this. A chimp in a medical laboratory could have stopped flinging poo long enough to come to this conclusion! A Rod MUST "snap," not like Ryan Leaf. Leaf was a horrible professional, but A Rod is an elite player. Yes, Alex must quit smiling and answering the same stupid question for the 1 billionth time. Instead of acting all cool and careless, he must go to the Denny Green school of interviewing! I want A Rod to go postal, he must or one day he will combust! Think this is stupid? Follow me here. Imagine this. The place is Yankee Stadium. The Yankees are playing Boston. It is the top of the 9th inning. Kevin Youkilis is on third while David Ortiz is on first. The Yankees bring in Mariano Rivera. Metallica is playing the background and the place is going crazy. Next up for the Red Sox is Manny Ramierez. Manny digs in and Rivera is pitching from the stretch. A double play would end the game and send the crowd home with yet another reason to love the Yankees. The pitch surprises Manny and he beats a ball hard into the ground. It looks to be a routine double play to Jeter. A perfectly hit ball to the catalyst, the captain, the face of the Yankees Derek Jeter. As the ball is rolling towards Jeter, Alex says, "Yo, DJ your designer Jordan sweatbands clash with your eyes AND your designer Jordan spikes." Just then Jeter becomes worried about how he looks, takes his eyes off the play and "boots" the ball. Youkilis scores and the BoSox go on to win the game. After the error Jeter looks at A Rod and says, "Geees Louise Alexander why would you go and do a thing like that, by gosh!" At this time Rodriguez goes crazy. Remember former WCW wrestler Bill Goldberg? A Rod spears Jeter then gets up and has a crazy glare in his eyes. Kind of like Bobby Boucher when people would spit in the "c-c-cooler." But A Rod's doesn't stop here. He needs to be a ticking timebomb. Remember when Milton Bradley would go after people in the stands? You need to add Milton Bradley, Ron Artest and Bill Romanowski. And just for a little flavor add the mental ability of John Rocker!
He needs to throw chairs into the stands. If he wants to make his point, he needs to hit a pregnant lady, a few elderly people, some kids, sightseers from China and perhaps some handicapped kids. And if given the chance, instead of pushing Don Zimmer down like Pedro did, A Rod must powerbomb him (Tommy Lasorda will fit here as well). Add all of this with an imaginary friend named Bambino by his side and we will have ourselves a great player waiting to be put on the 5th floor.
But A Rod has a large contract, he may very well still be a Yankee next season. Besides, if A Rod does stay in New York, he could always wear a straight jacket. Because the way he fielded his position this season .... a straight jacket may help!
Something's wrong with your Modula oblongota Colonel Sanders!
Smile on People, Smile on!
Editor's Note: I would like to thank Mr. Ryan Rondorf for the inspiration to write this piece. As we endulged on a wonderful Public School System lunch, we both schemed this idea. Dorf, you complete me ..*tear* Ok, that's a little dramatic! Thanks Ryan! TA's for Life! ..... SIKE!
Well folks, this year is following the script perfectly. It kind of reminds me of those old "slasher" movies. You know the one where the pretty 20 something year old girl is scared by some pyscho killer in her house, so she runs to the most obvious place .. the woods. Or it is as predictable as the guy who has been abducted and anal probed 12 times by aliens, who loves him some scotch, his double wide, a pack of Salems and NASCAR. With aging stars and crowd favorites such as Bernie Williams and Gary Sheffield this could be the off season tht makes or breaks the Yanks for the future.
Lets face it, the 2006 edition of the New York Yankees were a mess. Granted they did win the American League East.
(But)The Blue Jays were overrated, the Orioles are the worse franchise in baseball, the Devil Rays have been that, "wait 'til next season" team for 4 years and the BoSox were hurt every conceivable way. The only major injury the Red Sox did not endure this season was Terry Francona stepping in a bear trap! If it weren't for an irregular heartbeat (Ortiz), an inflamed knee(Manny), lymphoma ( Jon Lester), a fatigued arm(Pappelbon), missing the captain and anchor of your team during the stretch (Varitek), a strained bicep (Nixon) and perhaps the largest batch of misfortunes in MLB history, the Tigers would have had to go through Fenway!
However, the Yankees had their share of injury problems as well. Hadeki Matsui and Gary Sheffield were hurt for a large part of the season, Robinson Cano (who I drafted in the 18th round of my fantasy draft last season!) was MIA a lot as well. But unlike the Yankees of recent memory, this Yankee squad had nothing on the "bump." Let's look at the staff. Randy Johnson had spurts where he looked as dominant as in the past but never really came on. This week it has become public knowledge that he will be having back surgery, but will be ready for spring training. However, he is penciled in as New York's #4 or 5 guy next spring. Carl Pavano .... does he still play baseball? I am so glad he did not sign with the Sox! Jaret Wright, a hard
thrower (That's all I got). Mike Mussina, who looked good this season and is usually dependable. Then you have the rock of this staff. At the beginning of this seaon it was obvious that Chien Ming Wang was their ace besides he is being paid league minimum.(Pssssst .. that's sarcasm) But I think thats like 30 million Yen, I'm not sure of the exchange rate. Regardless there is no way he should have had the season he did. Last season he went 8-5 and had a solid rookie campaign, no one saw this coming. Until this season, the only thing I knew about Chien Ming Wang is that from a distance, he reminds me of Brendan Fraiser from the movie, "The Scout." I am still astounded by this. The ace of the "Pinstripes," the team that everyone affiliated with hip hop music loves, the team that Red Sox fans detest, the team that rapes and steals from small market teams by taking one of their best players to only sit them on the bench (Craig Wilson). Though Chacon for Wilson easily favors the Pirates! This team's pitching staff was anchored by a guy who know less English than Sammy Sosa at a Congressional Sub Comittee steroid investigation. I am still baffled! Regardless, Wang was solid. Wow, I laughed as I typed this. Time to grow up!
This season was a strugle for the entire Yankee organization and their fans, but it was a nightmare for one person in particular, Alex Rodriguez. No matter what he did, it was not good enough. Instead of his play on the field that was highlighted, news stories such as his need for a "shrink" and his fatigue due to sun bathing in Central Park are what we remember from A Rod's season. Now this next statement may shock you. Especially coming from a member of the Red Sox Nation, but Rodriguez had a good season. A Rod is among the top 5 third basemen in baseball statistically. Not too shaby coming from a "shortstop" playing third base on the largest stage, under the largest microscope in sports! He did lead all thirdbasemen in RBI, though his batting average dropped and and he did lose 13 homeruns from last season. But because of his shortcomings in October, A Rod is now an outcast in New York. For the New York media and fan base, if #13 did anything less than walk on water, he was a bum. What should A Rod do? Do you live another season being scrutinized for everything? Do you continue being Derek Jeter's bastard, red headed stepbrother? Does he leave New York for a small market team with only a one newspaper and a small arsenal of beat writers under an assumed name given by the Witness Protection Agency. "Now batting for your Milwaukee Brewers, Joe Winchestertonfieldville."
I have the solution. I know what Alex Rodriguez must do to revitalize his career! It is so simple anyone could have thought of this. A chimp in a medical laboratory could have stopped flinging poo long enough to come to this conclusion! A Rod MUST "snap," not like Ryan Leaf. Leaf was a horrible professional, but A Rod is an elite player. Yes, Alex must quit smiling and answering the same stupid question for the 1 billionth time. Instead of acting all cool and careless, he must go to the Denny Green school of interviewing! I want A Rod to go postal, he must or one day he will combust! Think this is stupid? Follow me here. Imagine this. The place is Yankee Stadium. The Yankees are playing Boston. It is the top of the 9th inning. Kevin Youkilis is on third while David Ortiz is on first. The Yankees bring in Mariano Rivera. Metallica is playing the background and the place is going crazy. Next up for the Red Sox is Manny Ramierez. Manny digs in and Rivera is pitching from the stretch. A double play would end the game and send the crowd home with yet another reason to love the Yankees. The pitch surprises Manny and he beats a ball hard into the ground. It looks to be a routine double play to Jeter. A perfectly hit ball to the catalyst, the captain, the face of the Yankees Derek Jeter. As the ball is rolling towards Jeter, Alex says, "Yo, DJ your designer Jordan sweatbands clash with your eyes AND your designer Jordan spikes." Just then Jeter becomes worried about how he looks, takes his eyes off the play and "boots" the ball. Youkilis scores and the BoSox go on to win the game. After the error Jeter looks at A Rod and says, "Geees Louise Alexander why would you go and do a thing like that, by gosh!" At this time Rodriguez goes crazy. Remember former WCW wrestler Bill Goldberg? A Rod spears Jeter then gets up and has a crazy glare in his eyes. Kind of like Bobby Boucher when people would spit in the "c-c-cooler." But A Rod's doesn't stop here. He needs to be a ticking timebomb. Remember when Milton Bradley would go after people in the stands? You need to add Milton Bradley, Ron Artest and Bill Romanowski. And just for a little flavor add the mental ability of John Rocker!
He needs to throw chairs into the stands. If he wants to make his point, he needs to hit a pregnant lady, a few elderly people, some kids, sightseers from China and perhaps some handicapped kids. And if given the chance, instead of pushing Don Zimmer down like Pedro did, A Rod must powerbomb him (Tommy Lasorda will fit here as well). Add all of this with an imaginary friend named Bambino by his side and we will have ourselves a great player waiting to be put on the 5th floor.
But A Rod has a large contract, he may very well still be a Yankee next season. Besides, if A Rod does stay in New York, he could always wear a straight jacket. Because the way he fielded his position this season .... a straight jacket may help!
Something's wrong with your Modula oblongota Colonel Sanders!
Smile on People, Smile on!
Editor's Note: I would like to thank Mr. Ryan Rondorf for the inspiration to write this piece. As we endulged on a wonderful Public School System lunch, we both schemed this idea. Dorf, you complete me ..*tear* Ok, that's a little dramatic! Thanks Ryan! TA's for Life! ..... SIKE!
Monday, October 16, 2006
Welcome to the Sports Blender!
Hey sports freaks!
My name is Jeff and this will be the official site for my ranting and raving of all things sports! As you regularly read my spot, I will make you laugh, cry, question your sanity, and I will probably piss you off .... a number of times!
Just to get us aquainted here is some background information about myself:
I LOVE my daughter (Briley) and my "better half" (Lindsay).
I LOVE the Washington Redskins
I LOVE chocolate milkshakes
I LOVE the Boston Red Sox
and strangely
I LOVE Alex Rodriguez ( He single handedly screwed up the Yankees season, I love him *tear*!)
And now for the things I am not a fan of,
The New York Yankees (Enter Darth Vadar music)
The Dallas Cowboys
T.O.
Poodles
The French
Anything organic
Stay tuned for the excitement!
Smile on People, Smile On!
~J~
My name is Jeff and this will be the official site for my ranting and raving of all things sports! As you regularly read my spot, I will make you laugh, cry, question your sanity, and I will probably piss you off .... a number of times!
Just to get us aquainted here is some background information about myself:
I LOVE my daughter (Briley) and my "better half" (Lindsay).
I LOVE the Washington Redskins
I LOVE chocolate milkshakes
I LOVE the Boston Red Sox
and strangely
I LOVE Alex Rodriguez ( He single handedly screwed up the Yankees season, I love him *tear*!)
And now for the things I am not a fan of,
The New York Yankees (Enter Darth Vadar music)
The Dallas Cowboys
T.O.
Poodles
The French
Anything organic
Stay tuned for the excitement!
Smile on People, Smile On!
~J~
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